FACT: Lovers aren’t perfect. Lovers are just learners.

What is a Lover?


Lovers are far from perfect. However, they are learners. They are willing to go to any length of self-discovery and vulnerability to achieve true intimacy with their partner.

Although exposure and vulnerability are scary, and may even feel like weakness, LOVERS are willing to risk their ego for true intimacy.

They are true heroes of love. They know what it means to see you and respect you as an individual, to know you deeply, and to accept you unconditionally with true love.

Lovers see you, know you and accept you unconditionally with love.

Qualities and Characteristics of a Lover


Morally Motivated. They do right things for the right reasons. They don’t do good things just to be recognized, admired, or to gain something. They do good things because it’s the right thing to do.

Humble. Lovers know how to eat crow, say sorry, admit wrongdoing, and own their contributions to a problem without shifting blame and pointing fingers.

Believers in Equality. Lovers believe each partner in the relationship has equal status, responsibility, position, and value. Both submit to one another in love.

Forgivers. Lovers know how to forgive themselves for mistakes and failures, and they know how to forgive other people too. Instead of holding on to regrets, they accept themselves as humans, prone to error. Instead of holding grudges, they forgive others their shortcomings and move on.

Self-Assured. Lovers have a decent sense of self that translates to self-respect. Having a healthy sense of self means realizing they are not more or less than what they are—an imperfect, worthwhile human. They know their strengths, weaknesses, desires, and needs, and they operate from self-acceptance. Because they respect themselves and their limits, they are able to respect others and their limits.

Self-Aware. They can identify their own feelings, needs, and motivations. They not only practice self-reflection, they also listen to other’s feedback and reflection. They are able to synthesize both into healthy self-awareness.

Present. Lovers know how to prioritize their attention so they can be fully present for themselves and the people important to them. Being present means focusing on the person or task at hand so intently that all else takes a back seat.

Trustworthy. They follow through, to the best of their ability, with what they say. They don’t consistently say one thing and then do another.


  • use collaboration instead of competition to solve problems.
  • are self-reflective and honest about their feelings.
  • avoid withdrawing, stonewalling, and passive aggression during conflict.
  • are assertive about needs and wants, using direct communication.
  • listen reflectively when you have a problem without defensiveness.
  • operate with a low level of shame.
  • don’t judge you or others with excessive criticism.
  • view themselves as valuable and worthwhile, with a good measure of humility.
  • value accountability and companionship with honest, healthy people.
  • commit to personal growth and improvement.
  • don’t try to control you, your behaviors, or your emotions.
  • support your dreams and desires without neglecting their own.
  • accept you as the perfectly imperfect, growing, valuable person you are.
  • enjoy doing activities, sharing experiences, and being with you.

How it Feels to be in a Relationship with a Lover


People in loving relationships experience a strong level of safety and security. They trust their partner completely and rarely worry about their commitment level, honesty, or integrity.

They know that they are number one in their partner’s life, and they rarely question their love. Over time, they have learned that although challenges, stressors, and bad habits come and go, their partner’s love and commitment is unchanging.

They feel cared for, prioritized, and often admired, respected, and cherished. Each feels a profound sense of confidence derived from their shared love.

This security, unique to committed intimate relationships allows them freedom to explore parts of themselves without judgement, room to be human without expectations of perfection, and soil to bloom into their beautiful selves.

The LOVERS Quadrant is something all people can strive for, and yes, even achieve.

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