Hello to all the Relationship Savvy Christmas Elves, Cookie Baking Mamas, and Snow Shovelers! The next two posts will be about the dynamics of narcissism in the Christian home.
People have been asking me lately, “Why are you writing on Narcissism and abuse? Because you’re married to a narcissist?” No, you don’t have to read between the lines in my case. Mr. Dashing is pretty much that, dashing, good-natured and all together foxy.
The reason I write on narcissism in relationships, is because, professionally, I recognize the need is great. The consequences of living with narcissistic toxicity, especially in the name of the Christian Faith is destructive and harmful to the entire family. The fact the bible is used to justify abuse of others grieves me deeply.Even more heartbreaking is that some victims see their Christian duty to endure the abuse in the name of marital submissiveness.
I have experienced and witnessed the chill of sociopathic cruelty, the shame of a putdown, the fear of grown-man-rage, and the smothering grip of an-out-of-his-mind control freak- from men who called themselves Christians. When dark things come into the light, they lose their power. That’s why I write on narcissism in relationships.
Not to say that that narcissistic Christian men don’t have immensely good qualities: evangelizing, sacrificial generosity, service, devotion to the faith and many more. Churches have been built on the narcissistic personality. Religions have been built on the narcissistic personality. Presidents have been voted into office on the narcissistic personality. My purpose isn’t to write about the epidemic of narcissism in our culture, or to lament its affects in the Christian Church, the economy or the government.
My Purpose
My purpose is to examine narcissistic toxicity in close relationships- primarily in the home- and to offer a different, more hopeful path. Christianity and the teachings of Christ have been more than just instructional to my family and my heart. My faith has been an anchor in the storm, a light to my path, and a call to humility. When practiced with love and grace, true emotional intimacy in families can flourish because of the safety and strength that is present. However, when the bible is used to force hierarchies, to enforce harsh rules, to excuse controlling and demeaning behavior and to legitimize inequality in the home, the Christian faith is no better than atheism, and possibly even more damaging.
Next week, we will explore what it looks like and feels like to be in a home or relationship where Christianity is used by the Narcissist to control and manipulate submission.
Thanks for shining a light on this dark truth, Michelle. We cannot see healing in situations we pretend aren’t happening. Too many people have been so wounded by narcissism, in the name of Christianity, that many have left the faith–or at least are too scarred to look for a safe church home. Bless you for your words of clarity and hope.
Thank you for bringing this to light.
I’d like to add that women can also be narcissists, especially in matriarchal homes.
God Bless You.
Hello, thanks for your comment. And YES, you are right! Women can be narcissists as well. My family and I recently went to Disney Land and started thinking of all the wicked step mothers and witches in the Disney movies- there are A LOT! These fairy tales are allegories to real life. My main target population is women married to narcissistic men, so I do a lot of writing with them in mind. But you are right, narcissism is can be seen in men and women.