Good Morning to the best people on Earth! It’s the Thanksgiving season, and a great reminder to “count our blessings.” I give thanks for each of you. You are dedicated to personal growth, to healthy relationships, and to letting God take you through the journey. Thank you for letting me be on that journey with you.
You truly make a difference in my life.
Lately, you may have noticed that I’ve been writing a lot about Loser, User and Abuser relationships, and how to break free from bad relationship patterns. Relationships take several different forms, but there are observable patterns that either lead to a great relationships, or terrible ones. My work over the last 15 years researching healthy relationship patterns has exposed four different types of relationships common to each of us: Lovers, Losers, Users and Abusers. We all want Loving, Healthy relationships, but many are stuck attracting and perpetuating destructive relationship patterns that make for unhappy living.
That’s why, over the last four years, I’ve been working on a project to help people identify these destructive patterns and realize their power to overcome them. Through practical exercises, support and personal empowerment, partners are discovering they can made a huge difference in their relationships.
Sometimes relationships are like baking a cake. We get all the ingredients out and set them on the counter. We have the right stuff, but if we don’t put it together in the right order, the cake flops. Dysfunctional and destructive relationships get the order wrong. They are dis-ordered. It’s like adding the frosting to the batter, or the flour to the frosting. Once the cake is baked and ready to serve, you find yourself swallowing terrible mouthfuls of bad-tasting stuff.
Losers lose out on the cake they long for. Users absorb all the ingredients into themselves leaving nothing for the rest of the relationship. Abusers use the ingredients to poison themselves and the people they are connected to. It’s literally Cake Wars, people!
Partners connected to the Loser, the User or the Abuser have learned negative coping strategies to keep the relationship going. They stuff those bad-tasting mouthfuls down until they’re sick. They’re anxious, depressed, and usually have some kind of stress-related health problem. They realize their kids are paying a price too, but they feel trapped between a rock and a hard place- damned if they do, and damned if they don’t.
January/February 2018, my book, Losers, Users, and Abusers and the Women who Love Them will be published and ready for consumption. I’ll keep you posted on dates and availability. Until then, I will be pounding away at the keyboard in my relentless attempt to be helpful. I know you will be hard at work in your own life. You will be doing the heavy lifting, the loving, the praying, and the standing-strong. This process of healing, and helping, and generally kicking ass at life, is done better together, and I’m glad we are on the journey together. Thanks for coming along for the ride!
