Posts Tagged: single life

Own Your Dating Life Like a Boss

Good Morning to the best group of people on earth! Each and everyone of you have crossed my path and changed me for the better. This morning I’m really grateful for you. 🙂

If you are not currently single and looking, then you know someone who is. This post is for the person who is single but doesn’t want to be. These are things I hear from my single friends and clients. Maybe you can relate too…

  • You think you are too old, too frumpy, or too something to be attractive.
  • You think that you’ve had your chance and that God is up there somewhere saying, “Well, you blew it! No more chances for you!”
  • You think the odds are stacked against you and the best guys are already taken.
  • You think there is no way you can compete with the younger, better looking, skinnier, richer available singles out there.
  • You think you’ll have to compromise your faith just to find someone.
  • You think it’s hopeless, so why even try.
  • You think that since God hasn’t “brought him to you” then God must want you to be alone.

When I say what I’m about to say, it’s because I love you. (Ok, get ready for the THWACK!)

Those are just excuses to keep you from showing up to your life.

Those are just lies that are easier to believe than the truth that you’re AMAZING. 

Those are just self-defeating thoughts from your past that keep you living back there.

But you’re too good for those lousy excuses. You’re too smart to believe in lies. You’re too vibrant to live in the past. You want more! You’re worth more!

Ok, I get it that I’ve been married to Mr. Dashing for a zillion years, and I haven’t had to date since wearing a training bra, and dating is different now, and who am I to give advice to singles, anyway? I admit that if I had to start dating now, I’d want to bury my wrinkled, graying  head in the sand and just cross my fingers that Mr. Right would fall from the sky on top of me, and that way I wouldn’t have to go through the tortures of internet dating and church singles functions. I admit that dating at age 42 would force me to move to Alaska where the odds would ever be in my favor, and that I’d seriously consider having work done, and that I’d break out in hives before every first date.

But you and I both know this truth: In order to grow up, you’ve got to show up.

If you don’t own your life, own your career, own your experiences, own your dating life, then you let life happen to you. If you let life happen to you, you lose your power. These truths apply to dating, to marriage, to career advancement, to our spiritual lives- to everything. Whether you’re married, single, or living in a nudest colony (in which case, dating may not be your issue), these truths apply to you. 


Here are SEVEN KEYS to Owning Your Dating Life like a BOSS:

  1. You Date Lots of Different People: You realize that interesting, strong, smart and good people come in all different packages from all different back grounds. Part of dating is learning and sharing experiences, stories and wisdom. You date for the purpose of meeting new people and sharing your life with them. You may be surprised with the type of person you truly connect with.
  2. You are a Gift: you give your date a gift every time you go out. He has the gift of being with you for an hour or two. Whether he receives that gift or not, is not your responsibility or problem. But you must leave each date repeating to yourself, “I gave him/her the gift of myself tonight, and it was a damn good gift.”
  3. You Welcome Rejection: Hey, if he doesn’t want to go on another date with you, thank him for screening himself out. It makes your job easier. After all, you only want people who adore you for you! You don’t have time for hanger-on-ers, or un-decided-ers. When you own your life like a BOSS, you don’t take rejection personally. You realize it’s part of the deal, and that rejection doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, it just means it wasn’t a good fit. 
  4. You don’t give up: You’ve been on good dates, boring dates, scary dates, and um…. “interesting” dates. You are the boss of your dating life, and you understand that being the boss requires tenacity, patience, endurance and creativity. The boss forges ahead because she realizes that ain’t nobody gonna do it for her, so she’s gonna do it herself. When your dating life takes a turn for the worse, you realize that finding a life-long partner takes time. You believe that you are worth the effort to keep at it!
  5. You Treat Dating like a Job: You put time, effort and investment into it, but you don’t put your heart into it until it’s time. You want to meet a lot of people and ultimately find someone to marry, right? If that’s your purpose, then say it out loud, set your goal and go after it. Put the time into it that it takes. Bosses don’t wait for opportunities to come to them, they seek out opportunities. Once they like the opportunity that’s in front of them, then they put their heart and soul into making it work.
  6. You’re not Desperate- so don’t act like it. You’ve got a LOT going for you. Just look at what you’ve accomplished in your life. You don’t NEED someone to complete you. You’re complete already. You WANT to share your valuable self with another valuable someone. You’re determined to be happy no matter what. You don’t look for someone else to make you happy.
  7. Only the Highly Qualified Need Apply: You are not in the business of rescuing, changing or helping the people you date. Nor are you looking to be rescued, changed or helped. When you own your dating life like a boss, you seek to share your life experience with someone  who can respect and value what you bring to the table. Rescuing and being rescued is just not SEXY! But knowing what you want is.

How about you? What are some things that have helped you own your dating life like a boss? What do you tell yourself before and after a date?


My “Relationship Savvy” blog gives you tips, advice, and flippin’ fantastic feel-goods to help with your most difficult relationship challenges.

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