Posts Tagged: value

Is it Time to Move On?

Posted July 27th, 2016 | Michelle Hollomon

Is it just me? Am I just being sensitive? Am I invisible, or what?

You may find yourself in relationships or environments where your value is not appreciated or recognized. You may not see it at first- in fact, maybe you’re the last to know. But from time to time in life, you may experience the SHUT OUT.

The SHUT OUT happens in social circles, faculty, sports teams and offices, and sometimes even families.  The SHUT OUT is when they (I’ll use they collectively) don’t see you as the valuable person that you know yourself to be.

Maybe you think to yourself, “Why wasn’t I invited to that?” or “Why wasn’t my name considered for that role?” or “Why doesn’t he look at me the way he looks at her?” Maybe you don’t have that pedigree, or that status, or that history, or that education, or that Gucci. Whatever IT is, you’re feeling under-valued and maybe even used. You feel like the Pecking Order has been set, and you’re on the bottom. Unbeknownst to you, the people above you in the pecking order have too much invested in their position to ever let you up.

You wonder, “How did I get here?” And even more depressing, you may wonder, “How did I get here, AGAIN?”

Sometimes, we unconsciously put ourselves in relationships and situations that replicate traumas of the past. We keep trying to get THEM to love us, accept us, or see our worth. But THEY will never do that. No matter how hard we work, or how much we share, or now often we reach out, THEY are incapable of valuing us the way we need. We’re barking up the wrong tree. We are drawing water from a waterless well. We are throwing our pearls among swine.

Did you know that there are relationships, offices, social circles and groups that DON’T do the Pecking Order Thing? It’s true! There are places and teams and relationships and partners that don’t do the SHUT OUT. There are people out there striving to operate in God’s light of love. People who want to value you for you. People who don’t want to step on you to get ahead. There are people out there who will pick you first for the team, not last. Yay for that!!

If you find yourself SHUT OUT and don’t know what to do… consider these steps.

Don’t Just Walk Away: you have something to learn from your SHUT OUT. Since you don’t want to visit this nasty place again, glean all that you can from this experience. Most importantly, learn as much as you can about YOURSELF. Ask yourself some questions- what did I do to set myself up for this? How was I attracted to this in the first place? What signs did I miss that were warning me in the beginning? How have I contributed to this problem? Did I send messages about my own self-doubt?

BIGGIE to ask yourself: In what ways am I NOT VALUING MYSELF, and how am I giving off the vibe that it’s OK for other people not to value me either? If you learn these things, you won’t leave one SHUT OUT to hop right back into another.

Determine when Enough is Enough– I wish I had the secret recipe for READINESS. Everyone is ready at different times to move out of unhealthy and into healthy. I look at my own life, and I see how God patiently teaches me the same lesson over and over until I’m a friggin expert. I’m like the karate kid, wax on wax off. Sooner or later, I become a badass at it. And once I’m competent, I’M READY and I don’t ever have to repeat that lesson again. Whew!

Watch the Magic: When you get to your READY stage, when enough is enough, and you’re ready to value yourself, watch God work. The fire is burning, the passion is alive, and for the first time in a long time, you are ready to go after something better. This is where God will be most apparent in your life. You will see provision after provision. You know why? Because God loves it when you embrace the VALUE in your own life.

Forgive it, baby: I know when God’s magic is happening in someone’s life when they are motivated with love, not anger. They are not blaming THEM, or angry at THEM or giving THEM the proverbial bird. They are motivated by love for themselves. They forgive and pray for the best for them. But, be open to the opportunity to SPEAK UP- you may have some work to do to say what you need to say, before your work is done.

If you’re in a circle, office or relationship that does not appreciate your value, take heart. It happens to all of us. You may feel like the only one, but you’re not. Follow these steps to get yourself moving again. You can do it!

Is It Worth It?

Posted November 10th, 2015 | Michelle Hollomon

Good morning everybody! Do you ever ask yourself, “Is it really WORTH it?” when it comes to some of the work you do? 

I’ve been reviewing all the things I do in my day/week/life and asking myself the question, “Is it WORTH it?” I wonder if you’ve asked yourself the same thing.

Here are the questions I am asking myself.

  • Are the results of my work WORTH the effort I put into it?
  • Is the work WORTH the time, worry, and emotional withdrawal?
  • Is the reward WORTH the cost?
  • Do I experience more BENEFIT than DEFICIT from the work that I do?
  • Why is it WORTH it to me, and am I the best person to do it?

These are the questions I’ve been asking myself in an effort to pair down the fluff. What activities are actually worth it to me to continue, and what activities need to be culled? What work is producing enough results to continue, and what work is languishing and needs to change or stop?

This morning, I took the Beasty for a walk, which may not sound like a big deal, but going for a walk around our neighborhood is a BIG deal. As in BIG hills, BIG commitment, and BIG effort.

Sometimes I feel like we live at base camp of Mt. Everest- anywhere you walk is either straight up or straight down. Seriously, if you visit me and park your car, you better hope your emergency brake works. If you drop your soccer ball or softball, kiss that rolling thing goodbye, because you’re never going to see it again. Taking out the trash bin (on wheels, btw) is an adventure all of its own. Forget driving into your garage on snowy nights. Just park at the bottom of the hill and walk the rest of the way up.

So I always have to ask myself, “Is taking the dog for a walk worth it?” Do I really want to huff and puff this morning? Do I really want to give what it takes to walk this dog? Is it WORTH IT?

Here’s my answer today.

The lake is a little far for my iphone to capture clearly, but seeing with the naked eye was nice as spice.

The lake is a little far for my iphone to capture clearly, but seeing with the naked eye was nice as spice.

The dog and I must climb out of the trees to get the view. It’s only from the top that I can make the decision if it’s worth it or not. It’s after the lacing up the boots, the thumping heart, the heavy breathing and the strained gluts. It’s only after the effort that I can truly decide if the activity is worth it.

This time, it was.

Ok, I know deer are just over grown rabbits, but I still get giddy when I see them.

Ok, I know deer are just over grown rabbits, but I still get giddy when I see them.

But there are other times, it’s not. Knowing the difference is paramount. There are some times that the view is not worth the effort. The results are not worth the time, and the benefits are not worth the cost. No matter what other people say or believe or want, I have to make the decision whether the work is WORTH it to ME. I have to decide if the work is WORTH it emotionally, financially, and maybe most importantly, eternally.

 

  • Am I called to do this work?
  • Am I doing this work when someone else should be doing it instead? Should I let go of this work to give others the opportunity?
  • Am I skilled, talented, or gifted for this work, or am I doing it because no one else will? And if I’m doing it for the latter reason, then is it making an eternal difference?
  • Is the season over for this work? Can I move on?
  • Am I doing this work to get someone to notice me, be pleased with me, or to “be somebody?”
  • Is the work WORTH it?

I can answer “no” or “yes” to these questions at any time. It’s my decision to make. Owning this decision, and the VALUE I attach to the work gives me the freedom to love the work, appreciate the work, and enjoy the process of the work. Whatever it is. Whether it be my marriage, my parenting, my own growth and healing, my non-profit work, my pro bono work, my teaching, my counseling, my writing, my bible study group, my exercise, my procrastination, my facebook trolling, my Netflix binging, my anything. I get to determine what is worth it and what is not. And when I’m unsure, I can trust that God will make it eternally worth it. Because He loves me. And He accepts me. He guides me.

Once I climb through those trees, He’ll give me a view that made it worth it all. How about you? What work is WORTH it to you, and why? What work are you thinking you’ll stop? Or start?

 

My “Relationship Savvy” blog gives you tips, advice, and flippin’ fantastic feel-goods to help with your most difficult relationship challenges.

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