Posts Categorized: Posts About Mojo

Pick an Age Already!

Posted May 16th, 2014 | Michelle Hollomon

This morning, I told my face to pick an age. Any age. Just pick one. I said, “Face, if you’re going to be 40, then I’ll live with wrinkles. But if you’re going to be 15, then I’ll live with pimples. But what I’m not willing to tolerate any longer is BOTH at the SAME TIME! So Pick an Age!”

Seriously. Wrinkles and pimples should not appear on the same face at the same time. It’s unreasonable!

An enlightened face would know better. But mine is confused. Should it be adolescent, or mature? Should it be vibrant or subdued? Should it be young and shiny, or old and saggy? It’s a conundrum.

A perfect complexion is just one of the many disillusions of turning 40. About a month ago, I was singing the praises of 40. I was full on into welcoming the big four zero with open arms. I was pretty sure that the things that plagued me in my thirties would magically disappear overnight.

Things like caring what other people think, comparing myself with “perfect” people, feeling guilty about eating bad stuff, feeling guilty everything. 40 was going to be magical! 40 was going to be care free. 40 was going to be epic!

Michelle at 40 would look in the mirror every day and say, “Damn, I’m hot!” Michelle at 40 would affectionately pat the fat roll around her middle and say, “I never want to live without you.” Michelle at 40 would say what she really meant and not obsess later that it offended someone. Michelle at 40 would know what she wanted to be when she grew up! Michelle at 40 was going to ROCK!

So, when the alarm sounded on the morning of April 30th, I readied myself for my radical transformation. Cautiously opening one eye, after the other, pushing my body out of the bed, I expected nothing less than greatness! I will have arrived. Finally. 

But what really happened the morning I turned 40, was an emerging painful bump on the tip of my chin. Nooooo! Really? 40 year-olds shouldn’t have zits, is this some kind of joke? 

And all the other magical stuff didn’t happen either. The guilt-complex, the jealousy, the obsessive maniacal over-thinking, the cursing of the muffin top- it was all still there. I think I’m going to be stuck with my adolescent self forever. I like her enough, she’s fun and sweet and has rocking big hair, but she has all those adolescent insecurities. I was just hoping, that, you know, I could outgrow her. And become… conflict free.

Doesn’t that sound nice? Always sure of yourself. Always confident. Always pimple free. YES!

Back to reality.

So, instead of being disappointed that I didn’t magically morph into a grown up,  I’m going to embrace my yin and my yang, my strengths and my weaknesses, my wrinkles and my pimples. I’m going to validate the struggle that’s inside of me as good and necessary. I’m going to embrace the insecure part of me that wonders “am I ok just the way I am?” and the brash part that says, “Hell yes, now kick some tail!” Turning 40 doesn’t mean the inner conflict goes away. It means you just learn to hold all the parts of yourself with acceptance.

Ok, I’ll take some of that. And some benzoil peroxide too, please.

How Does a Non-Athlete Train for a Triathlon?

Posted May 12th, 2014 | Michelle Hollomon

Lessons from the Trail

How does a non-athlete train for a triathlon? With friends!

Many of you know that I’m training for a triathlon scheduled for August. It’s a sprint, which means it’s a little more light weight than an Iron Man. Ok, more like A LOT more light weight than an Iron Man. I’ll be swimming 1/2 mile in Lake Washington, biking 12 miles, and running 3.2 miles. Cake, right? Maybe for natural born athletes, but not for a choir geek like me.

So, my non-worker-outer-type girl friend and I committed to the Iron Girl race, and it’s been swim-bike-run ever since.

Tips for Endurance: Think about what kind of food you’re going to wolf down as a motivator to get done.

Hey Writer- What can Diane Ravitch Teach You?

Posted April 14th, 2014 | Michelle Hollomon

What are Your Small Smooth Stones? There is a debate currently, between one of the world’s richest men and an education research professor. One name you’ll recognize, and the other you won’t. Bill Gates, through his philanthropic foundation, has invested billions of dollars in education experiments in order to reform America’s education system. Gate’s billions, reforms and efforts have not gone unnoticed by New York University research professor, Diane Ravitch. Diane has been called Bill Gates’ chief adversary when it comes to education reform. She doesn’t like what he’s doing, or how he’s doing it. It’s likely that nothing and no one wants to stand in the way of a man and his billions, especially in the name of improving our children’s education. However, Diane Ravitch, author of  the bestselling book, The Death and Life of the Great American School System is doing just that. If you’d like to read about the issue, click here.

This post is less about the debate between Gates and Ravitch, and more about the profound response Ravitch has to Bill Gates. It’s a lesson for every writer, every speaker, every teacher. When asked what is was like to be referred to as “Bill Gates’ chief adversary,” she replied,

“Gates has his billions, but I have my words.”

This a David and Goliath story, with words being Ravitch’s small smooth stones. Ravitch reminds us that our words have enough power to get the job done. We may not have much, or what our competition has, but we do have our words. And our words are enough. In Ravitch’s case, she researches and then writes and teaches the findings. She feels compelled by the evidence to stand for what she believes, no matter her foe. This is commendable.

We must do the same. We are accountable to God and to human kind to use our words to fulfill God’s calling. Whatever platform we have, be it stage, blog, book or cell phone, we can use our words to transform our environment. When odds are stacked as high as rejection letters, when the Bigger and Better seem to be winning, when your small smooth stones feel puny in our pocket, we must not despair! They have their advantages, but we have your words. We will use them. Speak them. Deliver them.  With faith.

Thanks Diane, for your small smooth stone, selected with just enough weight and executed with just enough impact to shatter our feelings of insufficiency.

We have our words, and they are enough.

Fake It Fast: Secret to Success I learned from the Dukes of Hazzard

Posted April 3rd, 2014 | Michelle Hollomon

I was distinctly under the impression that neon laces, matching gloves, racing stripes and sleeve-over-the-thumb thingies would make you run faster. I guess all that running stuff in the magazines is false advertising or something because I still run as slow as I ever did, which is slower than most people walk btw, even after I bought all that stuff. Mr. Dashing says I started working out just so I could legitimately buy something from Lulu Lemon. He may be on to something, because I certainly like shopping more than running.
I went on a run this morning, but I use “run” loosely because it’s more like a “run until I think I’m going to die, and then walk, and then run till I think I’m going to die again” until the torture is over.

There is natural pond near the hood that we call Lama Lake. It’s more like a water shed, nature preserve type area with a walking path around it, and it’s pretty Zen. If I round the lake, snake through the neighborhood, and cut through the green belt, I can get in 3 miles of “running.” This is my regular loop (shh, don’t tell any stalkers.)

This morning, I got behind a walker. I was “running” and he was walking.  I was making my normal running sounds- the clomping, the heavy breathing, the snorting-back-snot type sounds, and I guess Mr. Walker Guy could hear me coming. The thing is, I couldn’t pass him. I was too slow.  He kept looking back expecting me to pass him with all my heavy breathing, but I couldn’t. I ran slower than he walked. It’s a pitiful confession, really. But there it is. My slow running must have thrown his walking Zen into a jugger not, because the third time he looked back, his face was scrunchy and perturbed. So I did what any experienced runner would do- I faked a pulled muscle and said in a too-loud voice, “Oh, darn looks like I’ll be walking the rest of way,” just to keep him from looking back at me again with his grumpy face.

Walk on walking guy, walk on! I won’t be harassing you with my heavy breathing anymore. I’ll just sit this one out! Me and my racing stripes!

Me looking, sounding, and dressing like a runner must have given him the impression I was fast. This got me to thinking…. what if success only requires you to LOOK like you know what you’re doing? Then I thought of one of my favorite stories.

Do you remember Bo Duke from the television series The Dukes of Hazzard? Of course you do! Who’m I talkin’ to?! You’re you! You watched it religiously, just like me. Bo  was the heart-throb blond in the Bo and Luke Duke cousin duo. The Duke boys were famous for getting into trouble, jumping the General Lee over broken bridges, and taunting Rosco P.Coltrain and Boss Hogg. Bo was played by John Schneider, and he was the younger, wild one of the two cousins. Luke was my personal favorite because he was smart and level headed. So when my childhood friend, Jenna wanted to play  Dukes of Hazzard on the play ground, she always got Bo, and I got Luke. Those of you who know Mr. Dashing, know I married a “Luke.”

Well, a few years back, I saw John Schneider interviewed on how he got the role as Bo. He was an unlikely choice, because he was born and raised in Mt. Kisco, NY and didn’t have any experience with southern talk, walk or mentality. So when the opportunity came to audition, he prepared. He borrowed his friend’s truck and went four-wheelin’ in the country, he got it stuck in the mud, and dug it out. He grew out his beard, and he practiced his southern drawl. He said he wanted the role so bad, he got completely in character and stayed in character for days until the auditions. He auditioned for the role dressed like a country boy, talking like a country boy, holding a beer can and claiming he was actually from Snellville, Georgia. He was so convincing, the casting director had to say yes. The rest is history.

I figure that John Schneider has the secret sauce. I figure we can apply his method to almost anything and be successful, if we have the confidence and tenacity to follow it through. Showing up for the first day on the job, having the difficult conversations with your kids, asking for that raise, volunteer coaching a sport you never played, teaching a class for the first time, or just trying something new. These activities take some fake-it-till-you-make-it type confidence. Imagine yourself successful at the thing you want. Get into character. Act as if it were already so, and stick with it until it’s reality.

That’s why I buy running gear. And damn, do I look fast. Watch out Mr. Walking Guy…. I’m right behind you.

How to be Good Enough: the Perfectionist’s Guide to Happiness

Posted March 14th, 2014 | Michelle Hollomon

Do you know an overworked, under-appreciated, bitter employee- one that may get paid well, but is never happy? I’d like to suggest that overworked, under-appreciated, bitter employee is the Inner Critic taking up residence in your head. If you’re a perfectionist, you know this to be true. Your Inner Critic, let’s call her Madge, is never satisfied and continually believes you should do more, produce more, be respected more, be paid more, and above all be more perfect. She sits in the passenger seat of your car and tells you how others should know better, and do better. She yammers away at the side of your bed reminding you of the blunders you made earlier that day. She whispers in your ear at social functions that the people in the corner are avoiding you and can’t wait for you to leave. She sulks and stamps, whining, “it will never be good enough! No matter how hard you try, it will. Never. Be. Good. Enough!” When she’s at her worst, she’ll substitute “You” for “it,” and then her attacks become personal. Madge is duplicitous, suffering with black and white thinking. If you’re not the most successful, then you’re nothing. If you’re not the highest paid, then you’re a failure. If you’re not the most sought after, then you’re a loser. If you’re not the perfect mother, then you’re mommy dearest. If you’re not the most beautiful, then you’re ugly. If you aren’t the best, then you’re the worst. How could you? What were you thinking? Why are always so impossible?

Madge procrastinates. She convinces you to put things off until they become overwhelming and overdue- mostly because the prospect of getting it up to perfectionist standards seems impossible. And if you do it imperfectly, it will be a complete flop. And you’ll be the flop too.

Madge is a split personality- either Pollyanna with childish wishful thinking, or doomsday Drazilla pessimistic to the core.  Ne’er the two shall meet!

Madge is judgmental. She judges others and their motives harshly because she judges you harshly too.

Madge is stuck in the emotionally immature valley of duplicity, unable to integrate the good sides of self and the bad sides of self.

Madge is a victim, mad at people and society and authority who keep her down, but powerless to do anything about them.

Madge is sad. And afraid. And hiding.

How to Reform Madge into Magic

  • Madge needs a new role. Instead of being bitter and disapproving, Madge’s new assignment is to be a realist.  She needs to see the reality that you are human and humans aren’t perfect. To expect perfection is delusional and very un-clever. Madge doesn’t want to be un-clever. She just wants to be loved. So be careful not to fire Madge all together. Just put her on probation until she can grow up a bit, have a more realistic view of herself and the world.
  • Offer yourself plenty of UPR- Unconditional Positive Regard. Don’t love yourself in spite of the mistakes, love yourself inside of the mistakes. When you’re at your lowest, your worst, your least presentable, give yourself an emotional hug and say, “You’re alright, you’re just being human.” Madge will protest this way of thinking because she’s afraid of rejection and shame. She’ll freak out and threaten doom, “Something terrible will happen if you fail!” Tell her, “thank you for your concern, I’ve noted it. Now please calm yourself down and tend to your new job- reality.”
  • Integrate your Yin and your Yang, your good and your bad, your head and your hiney. As long as you’re human, you’re going to make choices that lead to amazing results, and choices that lack the results for which you were hoping. Then, there are times you’ll just make a hiney of yourself. Welcome to the world of being human. Accept it, integrate it and move on. Madge wants you to stay split in the “all or nothing,” but you know now that only emotional children believe in the “all or nothing.” And you’re not an emotional child anymore, are you?
  • Accept yourself as GOOD ENOUGH. Here’s the memo you want to send Madge, “I’m a good enough _______________ to get the job done God has asked me to do.”

Perfectionism can stop innovation, creativity and the ability to take risks. The essence of faith is found in dreaming, in hoping, in trying- not in results. Achievement and results are great, but it is in the faith effort of the actions that lend personal growth. Reassigning perfection to God alone, letting Madge off the perfectionism hook, and accepting yourself with heavy doses of UPR will make you a much happier person.

My “Relationship Savvy” blog gives you tips, advice, and flippin’ fantastic feel-goods to help with your most difficult relationship challenges.

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