Posts Categorized: Posts About Mojo

Perfection Rebellion

Posted October 28th, 2015 | Michelle Hollomon

Good morning! You make Wednesday mornings my favorite time of the week. I have the privilege of interacting with the best people on earth on Wednesdays. Joy! I have a SURPRISE for you at the end of this post…. You may want to sit down.

Is it just me, or is Autumn especially spectacular this year? Do you ever feel like God wrapped the trees in color just for you? Or that the sunset delivered pink and purple clouds as goodnight kisses? Or that noticing nature change is heaven’s way of getting your attention?Like the girl who flips her hair and blushes toward the boy across the room, nature is just dying for you to notice her.

And when I stop to notice, I’m never disappointed. While uprooting tomato plants, composting leaves, and chopping down giant sunflowers last weekend, nature taught me some powerful lessons. Here they are in a nut shell.

1. Nature doesn’t have to be perfect, it just grows toward the light. Growing things are scraggly and misbehaving. They often grow where they are not supposed to grow, sprout where they are not supposed to sprout, and bloom when they are not supposed to bloom. But these responsibilities belong to the Gardener, not the growing thing. The growing thing is just supposed to grow toward the light. The Gardener takes care of the rest. The Gardener plants and waters and prunes and snips. The Gardener protects and nurtures and tends to His plants, expecting His plants to be unruly and growy and wild, with a mind of their own. 

Don’t set unreasonable expectations of yourself to”get it right this time.” Let the Gardener take care of it. Just submit to the process, and let God do the rest. As a recovering control freak, I know that surrendering control to God is hard.  But resisting God’s gardening in your life turns out to be a lot more painful in the long run. You don’t have to be perfect, or be right, or be good, or be wise. You just have to be. Let the Gardener take control of perfecting you.

2. Nature doesn’t have to try to grow, it just stays attached. I’ve never seen an apple or strawberry or tomato try to grow. I’ve never seen something work hard or stress out or make goals to ripen. The only thing fruit does to ripen is stay attached to the branch. No striving, or trying or stressing. Just connection and protection and closeness. I’ve found that keeping connected to God throughout the day, keeps me grounded, focused and at peace. No matter what mistakes I make, or stresses that come my way, attaching myself to the Life Giving source keeps me strong, centered, and growing. Jesus used this analogy.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers…”

— John 15:5-6

Staying connected to Jesus, the Source, is really all we are required to do. The work and growth that flows out of that relational attachment is the true and eternal fruit. I know that it’s the American way to WORK HARDER! I know that its the corporate way to “PRODUCE RESULTS!” I know that it is the “Christian” way to IMPROVE!  I get that. There’s nothing wrong with that. But I think we really miss the point when we Christians are so busy trying to become like Christ instead of being filled with Christ. Becoming like Christ seems like pressure to say the right thing, do the right thing, and be the right thing. Being filled with Christ feels like a no pressure surrender, don’t have to “be perfect” or “get this thing right” feeling. It’s just letting God lead.

 

3.  Nature doesn’t have to hurry or slow down time, it just follows the seasons. There is no rush to grow. There is no hurry to get-er-done. There is no, “Wait, I’m not ready!” No matter what- growth, death and rebirth is bound by the laws of nature and no amount of stress, worry, control or anger will stop seasonal change. Acceptance is key. Time will have its way with us, no matter how we fight it. Time will force us through the seasons, so accepting them with hopeful expectancy is the key to happiness. What would it be like if we, like nature, could enjoy the passage of time? 

The Serenity prayer says that “Hardships are the pathway to peace,” and that “Accepting this sinful world as it is, and not how I want it to be,” is key to serenity and happiness. I believe it. Acceptance of the people around me, of myself, and this world takes the pressure off to perfect it all.

This is me plus 40 years- just enjoying the passage of time. ! I know, right? Awesome! Don’t be jealous! You can print this and hang it up for inspiration.

Our constant striving to get stronger, get skinnier, get richer, get better, get more of whatever is the particular currency of the moment- sucks the joy right out of life. Reaching “Perfection” is a silent, pulsing temptation that never seems far from anything I do. But with any temptation, reaching perfection is just a facade- an imaginary ideal impossible to grasp.

I’m learning to fall in love with the REAL in each moment, instead of striving for the illusive IDEAL. I’m actively rebelling against anything that promises happiness by means of “perfecting” one’s self. And when I find myself depleted, harried and stressed, I connect back to the Source, the Vine, my Friend Jesus, because within the context of this relationship, I grow without trying.

How about you? What has Nature taught you about life, about yourself, and about God? Are you struck, like me, with out beautifully imperfect nature is? How will you stay connected to God through the next week?

 

 

Becoming a Pro at Self Care

Posted September 30th, 2015 | Michelle Hollomon

Good morning to the Super Moons of my life! Did you know that the recent super moon appeared 14% bigger than usual? Well, that’s who you are to me- bigger and more special than just the standard stock moon. You are SUPER moons! 

Last week’s blog about over functioning got a ton of response. It’s like I hit a chord or something. Who’da thunk? So this week, I’m going to talk about Self Care. As if all the Over Functioners out there might need a little of that. Pshaw.

I’m not just talking about the tired, old self care stuff like “Get a massage,” or “Get a sitter,” or “Get some exercise.” No! This post will be WAY different.

And if it’s not, it’s still going to be exactly what you need to hear, because there is not a person I know ANYWHERE that doesn’t need a PUSH toward good self care. You care about a lot of things and a lot of people. You want the best out of life and the best out of yourself. So why not be the best at Self Care? Why not be the gal that people talk about asking, “How does she find the time….?” Why not be the guy that is posting fishing selfies all the time? Why not make everyone jealous of how good your take care of yourself?!

·         Lop it off. A principle of gardening says to cut off the dying leaves and flowers so they don’t drain the energy from the thriving plant. You may be tempted to keep a relationship or activity going even though it’s sucking you dry. You have to weigh how much energy this thing is sucking out of you compared to how much life it’s giving back. Don’t be afraid to lop it off (or aspects of it) so it will make room for healing, recovery and nurturing.

·         Prioritize it.  Once you’ve gotten rid of the thing that needed pruning, you will have more time and space for your thriving, wonderful self. Buckle down and get serious about your self care. Make sure that you prioritize yourself, cuz ain’t nobody gonna do it for ya.

·         Schedule it.This sounds like a no-brainer. You and I both know that if it’s not on the calendar, it’s not going to happen. The calendar is King, and self care doesn’t exist unless it makes it on the calendar. Schedule it daily or weekly and write it down. Once it makes it on the calendar, treat it like a sacred appointment that you don’t monkey around with. 

·         Sometimes it hurts. No one likes dentist appointments or physicals, or blood draws. But when was the last time you got your skin mapped, your weird mole looked at, your breasts squished, or your colon scoped? These routine appointments aren’t the funnest self-care activities, but they are important. Prioritize your health, and do the hard thing by getting yourself checked out. Sometimes we find ourselves avoiding medical attention because we are afraid of what the doctor might find. Don’t let this fear get the best of you. Information is your friend.

·         Pay for it. We value what we pay for. There is a lot of power in paying good money for self-nurture. When we pay for Self Care, we are telling ourselves, “you are worth it. Your emotional, spiritual, physical health is worth it. Your happiness is worth it.” If Self Care doesn’t cost you anything, then ask yourself why not?  You’re spending your money on something. So what are you prioritizing above Self care? And why? 

·         Make it a habit. Putting it on the calendar and paying for it is just the beginning. Lots of people get a massage now and then, or go away with friends every couple years, or get their nails done, or belong to a gym. These things are for amateurs. Making self care a habit is for the pros! Daily and Weekly Self Care is where it’s really at. When Self Care becomes a habit, you reap the emotional, spiritual and physical benefits like happiness, peace and health.

Let’s face it, we’ve all got some baggage in our past. Whether its baggage that someone else packed for us, or its baggage we’ve packed ourselves, there’s plenty of it there. Taking time, energy and money to nurture ourselves takes care of some of that baggage. I get it, that some baggage has to be unloaded piece by piece, memory by memory, hurt by hurt. That’s what counseling is for. But other baggage just needs some nurture, patience, time, and quiet. Every time you offer yourself some nurturing in the present, you’re soothing some kind of pain from the past. That’s just the way it works.

Some Self Care You May Not Have Thought of Yet…

·         Art Journal– doodle, write, color, paint and don’t display it. Keep it for yourself.

·         Meditate with Music– let your mind focus on one good thing at a time.

·         Silent Retreat– I dare you. Click here for the one I went to.

·         Read and Write Poetry- if you write some, send it to me. I love the stuff.

·         Enjoy Nature– this is God’s ongoing letter to me.

·         Feed the birds– seriously. Just feeds some birds. It makes you feel good.

·         Create something cool– maybe something with barn wood. It’s #trending.

·         Clean out a corner or a closet, and make it your own space- you know you want to!

·         Grow something- taking something from seed to fruit slows you down enough to be present.

I wonder how God will bless the little sacrifices of time you make for good self care. Each hour you spend getting in touch with yourself, with God and the spirit He’s put in you will bless you back double. Let me know what you are already doing to take care of the Valuable You. What will you change? What will you prune? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Six Steps to Get Over Rejection Quicker

Posted August 26th, 2015 | Michelle Hollomon

When you’re at soccer practice but none of the other moms are talking to you.

When you find out you didn’t get selected for that job.

When you find porn sites on your husband’s computer.

When you find texts on your wife’s phone from another man.

When you’re single and everybody in the entire universe is married.

When the people you love and count on the most let you down.

Rejection is that dark and sinking feeling that you being you is just not enough. That if you were somehow better, smarter, more interesting, thinner, funnier, more popular, then this kind of rejection wouldn’t happen. That if you were more like someone else and less like you, then you’d be much better off. You start to believe that there must be something wrong with you because all those perfect people out there don’t feel this way.

Rejection. Rejection is what you feel when you show up to your life but the people around you don’t receive you the way you wanted. We all feel it in varying intensity at different times in our lives. No one is immune to it, but some people handle it in resilient ways.  Here are Six Resilient ways to handle the inevitable rejections in your life.

1. Don’t Take it Personally. You may be tempted to become very egocentric and make the rejection all about you. You may try to make sense of the rejection by thinking of all the ways you just don’t measure up. By doing this, you sink further and further into yourself, closing yourself off from helpful reality.

2. Face Reality. Reality will inform you that there are many variables that affect your circumstances and subsequent rejection feelings. Other people’s needs, hang ups, expectations, and behaviors are often influenced by other things than just you. Do you have a part to play in their rejection? Maybe. But be realistic about owning your part, and not theirs.

3. Take Some Personal Time. People who recover from rejection quickly prioritize their personal time to get their thoughts and feelings working for them instead of against them. Maybe you need to journal, or go for a long run, or go for a long drive with your music turned up. Maybe you pray or write a letter to yourself. In essence, you are being your own best friend when you need a best friend the most. Personally, I believe this is the time that God gets to show up as your best friend too.

4. Make a Plan. Rejection can immobilize and de-motivate you, but it is important not to let it. Doing nothing often steals your power. But making a plan gives you your power back. Do you want to acquire more skills, get healthy, reinvent yourself, find a supportive group of friends, start dating, change your dating profile, update your resume, change directions? This is an opportunity for you to figure out what you really want and make a plan to get it.

5. Don’t Reject Yourself. When you feel rejected, you may rehearse all the reasons why you were rejected. Of course, these are all conjectures and assumptions, but none the less, you are tempted to nurse them, sulk and feel down about yourself. Don’t. Just because you have been rejected, don’t worsen the injury by rejecting yourself too. Say, “I feel bad and rejected, and maybe humiliated too. I’ll be damned if I do that to myself. I’m going to learn from this, hold my head high, and not let this turn me into a victim.”

6. Don’t Keep Knocking on Closed Doors. Sometimes, you may find yourself trying and trying and trying to fit in with the wrong crowd, getting the wrong guys to like you, working at a job that’s not a good fit, or getting an abandoning person to stay. It may be time to let go, and try something that is a better fit for you. Don’t work harder at trying to meet other people’s expectations than you work at meeting your own.

Rejection has the power to make you bitter or better, sadder or stronger. You chose you.

Own Your Dating Life Like a Boss

Posted August 12th, 2015 | Michelle Hollomon

Good Morning to the best group of people on earth! Each and everyone of you have crossed my path and changed me for the better. This morning I’m really grateful for you. 🙂

If you are not currently single and looking, then you know someone who is. This post is for the person who is single but doesn’t want to be. These are things I hear from my single friends and clients. Maybe you can relate too…

  • You think you are too old, too frumpy, or too something to be attractive.
  • You think that you’ve had your chance and that God is up there somewhere saying, “Well, you blew it! No more chances for you!”
  • You think the odds are stacked against you and the best guys are already taken.
  • You think there is no way you can compete with the younger, better looking, skinnier, richer available singles out there.
  • You think you’ll have to compromise your faith just to find someone.
  • You think it’s hopeless, so why even try.
  • You think that since God hasn’t “brought him to you” then God must want you to be alone.

When I say what I’m about to say, it’s because I love you. (Ok, get ready for the THWACK!)

Those are just excuses to keep you from showing up to your life.

Those are just lies that are easier to believe than the truth that you’re AMAZING. 

Those are just self-defeating thoughts from your past that keep you living back there.

But you’re too good for those lousy excuses. You’re too smart to believe in lies. You’re too vibrant to live in the past. You want more! You’re worth more!

Ok, I get it that I’ve been married to Mr. Dashing for a zillion years, and I haven’t had to date since wearing a training bra, and dating is different now, and who am I to give advice to singles, anyway? I admit that if I had to start dating now, I’d want to bury my wrinkled, graying  head in the sand and just cross my fingers that Mr. Right would fall from the sky on top of me, and that way I wouldn’t have to go through the tortures of internet dating and church singles functions. I admit that dating at age 42 would force me to move to Alaska where the odds would ever be in my favor, and that I’d seriously consider having work done, and that I’d break out in hives before every first date.

But you and I both know this truth: In order to grow up, you’ve got to show up.

If you don’t own your life, own your career, own your experiences, own your dating life, then you let life happen to you. If you let life happen to you, you lose your power. These truths apply to dating, to marriage, to career advancement, to our spiritual lives- to everything. Whether you’re married, single, or living in a nudest colony (in which case, dating may not be your issue), these truths apply to you. 

 

Here are SEVEN KEYS to Owning Your Dating Life like a BOSS:

  1. You Date Lots of Different People: You realize that interesting, strong, smart and good people come in all different packages from all different back grounds. Part of dating is learning and sharing experiences, stories and wisdom. You date for the purpose of meeting new people and sharing your life with them. You may be surprised with the type of person you truly connect with.
  2. You are a Gift: you give your date a gift every time you go out. He has the gift of being with you for an hour or two. Whether he receives that gift or not, is not your responsibility or problem. But you must leave each date repeating to yourself, “I gave him/her the gift of myself tonight, and it was a damn good gift.”
  3. You Welcome Rejection: Hey, if he doesn’t want to go on another date with you, thank him for screening himself out. It makes your job easier. After all, you only want people who adore you for you! You don’t have time for hanger-on-ers, or un-decided-ers. When you own your life like a BOSS, you don’t take rejection personally. You realize it’s part of the deal, and that rejection doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, it just means it wasn’t a good fit. 
  4. You don’t give up: You’ve been on good dates, boring dates, scary dates, and um…. “interesting” dates. You are the boss of your dating life, and you understand that being the boss requires tenacity, patience, endurance and creativity. The boss forges ahead because she realizes that ain’t nobody gonna do it for her, so she’s gonna do it herself. When your dating life takes a turn for the worse, you realize that finding a life-long partner takes time. You believe that you are worth the effort to keep at it!
  5. You Treat Dating like a Job: You put time, effort and investment into it, but you don’t put your heart into it until it’s time. You want to meet a lot of people and ultimately find someone to marry, right? If that’s your purpose, then say it out loud, set your goal and go after it. Put the time into it that it takes. Bosses don’t wait for opportunities to come to them, they seek out opportunities. Once they like the opportunity that’s in front of them, then they put their heart and soul into making it work.
  6. You’re not Desperate- so don’t act like it. You’ve got a LOT going for you. Just look at what you’ve accomplished in your life. You don’t NEED someone to complete you. You’re complete already. You WANT to share your valuable self with another valuable someone. You’re determined to be happy no matter what. You don’t look for someone else to make you happy.
  7. Only the Highly Qualified Need Apply: You are not in the business of rescuing, changing or helping the people you date. Nor are you looking to be rescued, changed or helped. When you own your dating life like a boss, you seek to share your life experience with someone  who can respect and value what you bring to the table. Rescuing and being rescued is just not SEXY! But knowing what you want is.

How about you? What are some things that have helped you own your dating life like a boss? What do you tell yourself before and after a date?

 

Help for When Things are Out of Your Control

Posted July 22nd, 2015 | Michelle Hollomon

Hello friends! The topic of “Control” has come up in my life lately-  like changing the things we can control, letting go of the things we can’t, and knowing precisely where the line is between the two. These words are easily repeated in the serenity prayer and oh so hard to carry out. Here are a couple of examples where control becomes an issue for all of us.

Sickness. If you’ve ever suffered with a life altering illness, you know that the line between control and surrender is blurred. How and what kind of treatment should you pursue? When is it time to rest and when is it time to fight? What behaviors are driven by fear and what behaviors are driven by wisdom?

Kids sports. Your kid’s sports are supposed to be fun learning opportunities to improve skill and ability. But you know and I know that watching your kids from the bleachers can be an overwhelmingly powerless feeling. You are powerless over their safety, their attitude, their performance, their coach’s decisions, or the other kids on the team. How much pushing is ok? And what if they get benched or get a concussion or get ignored by their coach? When should you step in and how? How much control should you exert?

Unemployment. You try and you look and you interview and you ask around. You submit resumes and queries and then you wait. You feel completely powerless over the “when,” the “what,” or the “how.”  When is it time to give up and re-tool? How much pestering should you do? There are so many things out of your control, it’s nearly impossible to control your insides. 

The Paradigms we hold affect the way we handle powerless feelings and situations that are outside of our control. The most important decisions in our lives depend on where we draw the line between what we can control and what we need to let go.

Take a look at the differences between a Controlling Attitude and an Attitude of Letting Go. The more you can control your inner life, the less out of control things will feel in the outer life.

In every situation that feels outside of your control, take a look at your paradigm. Where can you give yourself a voice, some strength, some options? You are more powerful than you think, because God’s strength is always there for you. Force that strength through the funnel of love- love for yourself, God and for others.

My “Relationship Savvy” blog gives you tips, advice, and flippin’ fantastic feel-goods to help with your most difficult relationship challenges.

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